||[Sep. 12th, 2004|10:24 pm]
Not meaning to complain, or sound ungrateful, but my life really sucks. I know how much worse it could be, yada yada yada, but right here, in this moment, it feels like I'm putting in a lot more than I'm getting back. I try with guys, get nothing. I try with music, get very little. I try working out and eating healthy, still the same. It's very frustrating, trying to move off this plateau and not making as much progress as I'd like. |
I hate boys and all the emotion they put me through. I've got them off my mind, out of my situation as best I can, but it's hopeless. I still have to watch them kiss their girlfriends, hold their hands and go on dates. They distract me whether I'm with one or not. I push them away. I deserve better than this, better than them. Someone who actually cares about me for who I am. Someone who sees the wonderful things in me I hope (know? pray?) exist but cannot see. I'm so worried I won't find someone, that I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I'm worried about getting close the the wrong person and having my heart ripped out.
I need to keep pushing and working harder, but the drive seems hard to come by, especially with nothing wonderful to look forward to.